Idleness is good

It is yet another lazy sunday, after a long time. Last week I spent long hours working on my pet project, organising work with a zest to achieve things on time. Last evening, I entered saturation for the umpteenth time. Though I love work and I am passionate about it, I need different things to make me happy. Its just how I am. And sometimes this break day helps to fill some gaps and ensure I was getting back on track. It does motivate me.

Sometimes, it makes me awfully guilty that I'm idle for a day, but I brush aside those thoughts. I did all what a perfect sunday demanded from me. A great lunch, a long siesta, randomly shuttling between reading short story and life story of swami vivekananda. In the midst, the noon chirp of birds, a slight breeze that merged with the air from fan blades, the call of the flurry white cat, whimpering like a child. The honey bees cocooned in their hexagon boxes, fanning themselves with their wings, cooling under the drumstick tree, the silence of the streets, and the summery heaviness in my head.
While I was idle, I was thinking, as these words sprouted out from my soul. This idleness always leads to a creative spark in me. It does not happen when I'm working on plans and schedules, what next or when my mind is churning about when I will finish my work, my deadlines etc. Idleness is good. Not for long. But for a time when you unleash your mind with boring random thoughts. Best of all, idleness, atleast for me, helps me to slow down on life and relish things around me. It helps me craft words and prepares me for the next big thing. It keeps me going!

Hindi words in Tamil

This is a little funny, but then it has been there on my mind for a long time. Having a Bombay upbringing and living in Chennai for quite a while during my career, I have got to see both the sides and how north perceives south and viceversa. That is something I am not going to talk about here.

A few years back when I was living in Chennai, I was asking my friend if he wanted to join me for a movie?
He:Which movie?
Me: Hindi movie, Saawariya
He: What saawariya? And he started laughing! Are you going to watch a movie with such a title? And he would not stop laughing. Saawriya in Tamil means, "are you dying?"
We both ended up laughing. Finally, he never ended up coming for the movie.

Most of my friends in Chennai perpetually, in their effort to speak Tamil, made me laugh! There are many things I cannot script here!

Recently, there was a movie I saw, called Kai Po Che. In Gujarat and Mumbai, they use the word during Uttaran, the kite festival, when you defeat someone in the kite game.
In Tamil, kai po che means hand is gone. Kai means hand, poche means gone. Imagining how my Tamil friends would want to watch Kaipoche. :D

Small thrills of life, courtesy, the diverse languages we have in out country!

When work is luxury?

This morning I went down to meet a friend of mine, excited that I would be going for a bird watching trip in the evening to see a Great Horned Owlet. She said, 'You have the luxury to do it, I don't".
There are many people who think that work from home, or choosing your priorities in life is easy. It is not. I have been talking to another friend of mine J, who quit her corporate job to pursue Buddhism as a study. We always feel people are envious when we say we travel or we do something. So, here is the thing. You always have choices in life. The path we have taken is not an easy one. Everything has its own pros and cons and leaving away everything to follow our passion seems rosy to the outside world, but we have our own battles to fight.
To establish to this level, was a huge task, to be where we are, to be able to make these choices, we struggled our way through, it wasn't easy and it is not something people even think about, they only look at, yeah you travel, you go birdwatching. If you want to make that choice, no one is stopping you, but yourself. And then people talk about hundred commitments they have. Fine, I also have commitments, but I made my way through, so if you want to, do it, else stop envying, and live your own life! It is as simple as that!

When I am working from home and of course being single and no one to help me, my responsibilities increase manifold. When I am typing away, the cooker will whistle, the milk will be boiling, someone will knock at the door and yes I am a one man army. I also have to financially support myself to pay my bills. So, people who think that passionate people, lead a luxurious life, go get a life yourself!

Lessons of life

I know I dont update my blog often, but there has to be something I need to say.
Last fifteen days were chaotic like crazy. I cancelled and booked tickets, travelled, lot of meetings and finally, today a few things dawned on me yet another time after three years.

I got an opportunity recently for editing for a big corporate company. From initially, I tried to resist it and my inner voice was telling me, no! I refused to listen to it and underwent some serious learning.

So, here are a few things I learnt:
When your instinct says no, never do it. You might like doing something, but then end up wasting a lot of energy and time before you realise, its not for you! When I was discussing with my best buddies about my decision, they stood by me and said, do only things that you like and most importantly the people whom you work for should deserve you. I realised that wasn't really the case. Also, earlier, one of my colleagues had told me this. When you are not learning in a job and doing it as a chore, there is no added development and that is dangerous, so move out of your comfort zone. It did strike me today. I did NOT want it. Also, here I was carving a path for myself in environmental journalism, and where did financial editing even come in? I did not think about it then, now I do. What difference is it going to make or where is it going to take me, nowhere higher. That itself was one part of elimination process. Also, after a ten year span in the media, your ego does get hurt when someone is trying to show who he or she is, controlling you in the name of work. I did not need it now. Someone was taking my time for granted, that is something that just does not work.
I don't wait for people. I also do not make people wait and anyone who knows me can vouch for that, learnt that trait from my father who imposed punctuality as a rule more than a value.

Two, I realised, how matter how much nice people could be at the onset, it is important to give it time before you become close to anyone. I realised it in episode 2 yesterday. Learning to draw lines with people, especially with people whom you would be professionally involved in. What happens is, the person might mess your work, or intrude and make things difficult for you in such a way that you would think a hundred times before expressing something as you might offend them. So, I would keep at bay and talk only if intervention was needed.

Three, listen to your friends who know what is good for you. Anita, my pillar has been asking me to apply for a fellowship since two years and today, I have decided to go ahead. I know friends talk in the best of interest and its great to see them happy. Especially for the things they choose for you and your future.

I think I am honestly blessed to have friends who have been shock absorber in my life, who have heard me out, at different stage in life, been with me, offered me their hugs and solace. Salutes!

I somehow sense a huge freedom right now, away from the corporate cacophony, living my ideal life!!

chennai summer and people

It has been a long time since I wrote any blog post. I say this on and off because I am caught up in a world of my own, traveling and then last couple of weeks finally took respite. After running a marathon with writing and other work deadlines amidst traveling, working out, running and walking and losing three kilos, i have been on a rough yet sweet ride..

It is true though that when you are not in your home, you really know and value your home much more, which is exactly the kind of feeling i have right now. I left Coimbatore last week and came to Chennai and been dreading over for a week with the horrid evergreen summer in the city..I have been a little switched off, tired, and want to be alone, just me and myself, but then I need to be with people right now, that is the situation, but no complaints as in another week I am off to Taiwan, all alone, with no rambling phone calls, no smses and I can walk alone in the city with a feeling that no one knows me and how I love that!

I am just counting my days literally..

A life changing week?

The whole of last week was crazy and bizzare but had lot of learning in life. I met people who helped me solve a BIG problem, I met social transformers who have dedicated their life about something I can't ever imagine thinking of doing.

So here are is the thing. I have been having horrible tenants and been grappling with that issue since last three months till I completely broke up one day thinking I need to do something. I finally remembered I knew someone locally, a journalist who could help me. I called his number with no hestitation, it was rather an intuitive call. I had met this guy, R, only once before this sometime early this year on World Wetlands Day at Ukkadam Lake. We met briefly for three minutes and since we were in the same profession, he took my number. Little did I know I would call him someday, out of the blue in a panic situation.

R promised to help me immediately. He gave me a cop's number and in half an hour the cop came and everything was sorted. Sometimes I think we just stop ourselves from approaching someone and getting things sorted because we hesitate or because we want to do everything by ourselves or because we would not want to trust someone. Well, this is something I have learnt from my life, I would trust my intuition with people, even if its strangers. My travel journeys have taught me this. In places, where I have been stranded, local people have helped me, taking and accepting me as their daughters and sisters and friends and giving me the strength and support, which possibly even my family would not. And I see most urban people being judgmental about anyone. The immediate thinking is more on- this person definitely wants something from me, thats why he is helping me. Hey, urbanites, you are WRONG! Not everyone are like you, meeting and helping people only with purpose. The small town people are much more trustworthy. Anyway, sorry for the digression. The cop was super helpful and he told me not to worry, the kind of assurance which was so comforting.

So, here are the two strangers who were amazing to me! Sorted.

I have been helping P Manimaran, a boy who has been serving leprosy patients from a young age. He is more a younger brother to me now. I had written a story about him for a wellness magazine. The editor of this magazine is Niharika, who I have never seen but she is one person I can and would pick the phone and call if I am in trouble. So, we help him to organise a press meet on Mother Teresa Day on 26th. Turned out well. Apparently, the article reached out to people, who ended up funding him for his goal to build a hospital for leprosy patients. I had this tiny happiness inside me. Finally, something constructive. So, this boy says someone who read this article wanted to meet me. He was the owner of a huge chain of restaurants here in Coimbatore. I finally met him last week and we ended up talking for seven hours about people, service, family, spirituality and what not. Yesterday, I had gone to the uncle's place to meet his family and we ended up spending the whole day together. There I had an opportunity to meet a lady who was serving 160 mentally challenged kids in Niligiris area. She herself had a girl child, 18 years old, suffering from mental illness but still she was serving other kids like her. Wonder how she did that. I spent an evening listening to her very tragical life story and had tears looking at her daughter and what people go through in life. I hope I am able to be of some help to her.

Met another social worker who spent his salary for the welfare of women. He cleaned toilets to save money after he got retired and puts that money to help women who need it. These are the women who are mentally challenged. I spent some time talking to him. I cant imagine such people exist in our society. And as he says, you do not need a lot of money to do social work. You really dont. That is what people think. And every work that you do need not be associated with monetary help.

It is amazing how one person led me to connect with 5 different people and all of them working on a social cause. It has been an amazing week, with a potpourri of emotions and what not. It has also made me think about life deeply, look at the definition of problem intensely. It is not about the money, gadgets, home or any material thing you may have, it is more with the people, your attitude and if you consider yourself to be a part of a system where you are a part of this change that can alter someone's life.

Caste, religion and all that blah

I have been meaning to write this post since a very long time, again there was so much inside me that was waiting to get out. I have always been an anti-country, anti-religion and anti-caste. I am a human being, a woman and that is my identity in this universe. I don't even want to think I am an Indian, I belong to this globe, to this universe and it is as simple as that.

I was born into a Brahmin family (not out of my choice). I can't tell you how much I hated being born into a caste based family system. There were many things that rankled my mind when I was growing up. I never understood why my brother wore the holy thread, the mark of a brahmin. Was it to prove Brahminism? And why? There were rituals and poojas in the house and it all suffocated me after some point, especially today when I don't realise the point or sense in it. What do these religious events signify? When I was growing up, I was told to behave in a way of a Brahmin girl. Focus on traditions. So, I ask what are these traditions and why do we need them to live a life? Somehow, the child in me was always asking questions. As I was growing up, these questions became even more intense and I realised through my very own experiences that these things do not make any sense to me.

I was speaking to one of the brahmin priests (this was when my uncle passed away and the 13 day ritual was happening). I asked him the meaning of the rituals. He was appalled when I asked but was also happy and told me dad, see your daughter is asking questions, very good. I said, listen I want to know the significance of this. After I heard what I did, I completely lost it. Those were prayers to make sure my uncle went to swarglok and those prayers were meant to request people/animals in the path of his swarglok, ensuring my uncle reached only heaven. Now, tell me this, how do I know where I go, and how unless I die and experience it. We do these rituals in the name of religion, blindly, without understanding why and what. Some things in the past could be applicable in days of yore, but not now. This is what I tell my mother.

A simple example. I was at my friend's place in Bombay (she was a tamil brahmin). When I turned to touch the curd, her mother stopped me, don't touch it she said. I wondered why. It was then she told, you should touch water and then touch the curd. I understood. In those days, perishable and non perishable were kept seperately and just so that it does not get spoiled, people washed their hand and then touched the curd. Today, we have fridge, for God's sake and I still find Tam Brahms following these norms. Does that make sense?

When I probed further with spiritual gurus, I found out the concept of primary and secondary religion. Most of people do the secondary religion thing. Let me tell you the difference. Both are two ways to reach God. I think it is okay even if you don't believe in God. People who use the secondary method approach God through the thousand rituals, to appease the form God and make sure their sins are absolved. For the former, they believe in formless God and they just are spiritual people. Maybe they just believe in the supreme form and nothing else.

Dip in the ganges, rituals after rituals, going to various temples, all these are more like done to please God. I don't believe in it but yet I was forced and still forced to be a part of these pujas and rituals. Now, that I know the belief systems I possess, it is impossible for me to accept or abide by it. So, I refrain from it. I do not want to do something without understanding the purpose behind it or due to some obsolete culture or tradition.

I never liked the bindi wearing thing, or sitting and chanting some mantra because I had to. The very thing about all these things were something I could not relate to.

When people ask me about marriage and all, I say, I do not want a Brahmin guy for I do not want to be sucked into these religious things. I would rather be forced into this without a choice if I marry someone from the caste. I am an anti caste, anti religion and I am very very happy about it.

I remember once I had gone to my mother's cousin's house. He was a doctor. When the topic of marriage broached with great intent, I was spontaneous enough to tell that I chose not to marry someone from my caste. He was aghast. You will pollute our genes if you marry an outcaste. I was angered and I did not quit. I was like, how do you think caste system evolved? Basic fact-divison of labour and all this talk of Brahmin comes from head and shudras come from the feet is utter rubbish. Some sick Brahmins from the past who had all the administrative capabilities did this to have an upper hand. Nothing else. You say brahmins are more pure and educated, and what sense. If dalits or anyone else were given the opportunity to have education when brahmins did study, they would have also done well. So, the first thing, denial of basic right. So, we only controlled them, to have an upper hand and we did that by supressing them. What blood line, lineage are we talking about? I had a very healthy argument and then uncle gave up.

I once was talking to a monk who spent most of his time meditating in the Himalayas and he told me the meaning of true brahmin. It means anyone who is a pure soul. Now, tell me does a soul have caste or religion or nationality? No. Does your blood have caste, religion? No. There are only 4 blood groups, be it Indian, American, African or anyone. So, where is this caste thing?

Even the system of arranged marriage- Brahmin, Iyer, again Palakkad iyer, tamil iyer, subdivided into tanjavur, tirunelveli, and what not. Gothram, star and then horroscope, now where will you find a man? Honestly, I am a proponent of intercaste marriages. It opens you up to looking at people for being human, beyond caste, community and other things. And just imagine, you see a person for his qualities and not for which caste he belongs to, you are creating a new thought process. Also, I do not understand, how parents bring this casteism into their children. He is the maid's boy, don't play with him. Now, how will a child know that unless he or she is told about it, right? It is we who seed caste discrimination into the young hearts and we pollute their minds. It is a disgusting thought indeed. I totally agree with Richard Dawkins when he says that when a child is born, we should let them choose their religion, when they are born. Why thrust out religious responsibilities on them? They can choose to be a Buddhist, Hindu or even an atheist.

I see my niece- she cant leave the house without a bindi, my brother would hate it. He has given up on me long back because I turned deaf ears to something I do not believe in. I would do that, not occasion demanding, but me wanting it. I will never do something I am not comfortable for the sake of religious matters.

I have taught my maid's daughter back in Mumbai, gone to their house, but I never became "polluted" because they belong to a lower caste. I even hate that word lower caste. Thankfully, my grand parents, though not educated were much forward in those days. They used to feed the dhobis who came home. In their village in kerala, they had muslim neighbours who used to come to their house and jokingly ask if they wanted fish. Grandpa was always a neat man, with white clean dhoti, religiously praying, and at the same time, a man whose heart was open with no indifference for people from other caste. That seeped into my mother. She thinks brahmin is the worst community. She keeps telling me that. I agree with her. Now, let me say, its not about being brahmin or being dalit. Brahmins should not talk about their superiority or dalits should not feel and express that they are of lower caste. By saying that, they only put themselves down. So chuck all this, lets be humans and do what we want.

So, I say, stop this brahmin talk, this superiority mentality and look at individuals for who they are. I also do not believe that blood is thicker than water. Exposed to traveling international, every individual has helped me to cross a hurdle, and these do not belong to my "bloodline". They are humans with values. Period.

Also, Meena Kandasamy has written a poem on becoming a brahmin. She is a poet, and she calls herself a Dalit. Well, I do not think you got to be a brahmin hater to be a good dalit.

There was an interesting discussion in satyamev jayate today and it was really good. Check it out.