Memories of childhood after years

It was after a very long time that I called my childhood friend Krupa. I wasn't even sure if her number still existed. I called her, heard her voice and I was so thrilled. I could literally feel I was going back to my childhood days as I was talking to her. Are you plump still, I asked teasing her. I remember I used to call her batata (potato) in Mumbai hindi. Poor thing! I know I used to tease her so much! She was no less. Oye Madrasi, oye chashmish..I remember every little thing. Childhood days were so much fun! Krupa, me and Mithu were a trio. We were always together doing the most craziest things, playing and most importantly laughing. I was always out of the house with these girls, cycling or playing. It was a kind of freedom being with the two gals.

In those days, I did not have a cycle. My brother taught me how to ride a cycle when I was in class 3. Those days we lived in a small rural area where dad had his bank posting. I fell on thorns as I learnt to cycle but took it as a part of learning. Didn't cry. Later, when my brother got his cycle, I started riding it after fighting with him for many days. Initially, I remember me, mithu and krupa would go and hire a cycle-Rs 2 for an hour. I used to save up the coins from my bus trip to school. In the afternoon after school, I used to buy 50 paise ice and eat it. Every day!

Krupa was a tomboy and she reckons she is still one. Loved everything that boys did. We used to play cricket, fly kites and even beat boys in the kite flying game. I rather learnt kite flying from her.

In the building where we stayed, people used to mock us-always playing don't know if they study. Sometimes, we used to go to Krupa's house to have amazing delicacies made by her mom, sometimes to Mithu's house to watch tv. My neighbour aunty was such a pain, she used to yell at us while we were playing at the building compound because she could not see the passerbys. We used to get angry but continued playing ignoring her. Sometimes we used to leave cockroaches into her house and balcony. Lot of times, ring the door bell and run away. Small joys of life. I remember once, we three were playing Holi. We were at the roof top throwing water balloons. During the days of Holi, we used to play so much. My face would be smeared with so much color that my mother would not recognize me. Krupa's house had a huge swing. We used to spend some evenings having hot chai and talking nonsense. We used to roam so much in the cycle. There were so many times my brother yelled at me and even beat me up for not studying. I used to HATE studies and school. Even at nights I used to be out playing. My building people and my family used to wonder what I would do in life. I hated anything conventional, rather I never understood why school and studies were important in life. I absolutely never thought of future. Sometimes dad used to scold me a lot for not focusing on studies, but my innocent mind would never understand. I lived a life like there was no tomorrow. Of course, today, when I look back, none of those grades or marks..nothing ever mattered. Maybe I was really right! :) Lovely days, beautiful days. I was super thrilled to talk to my friend after ages and reliving all those memories. Mithu is married and now lives in Pune. Krupa is still the way she is-plump, cute and adorable and me, still the same free spirited girl that I was, but yeah quiet and composed.

Now, I am waiting to go and see my friend in Bombay and sit in the swing and have a chai..and maybe a matured conversation. :)

Crazy november 2011

It has been a long time I even wrote anything. I tried nanowrimo and was so optimistic I would finish 50000 words but could not. But I am glad I touched the 20,000 mark. I know I should not give reasons but yeah I was tired like crazy. But then there were these fun memorable days and the interesting new people I met..and a few of course who let me down...but yeah I am glad I am getting to see new faces of people..

It was the international ornithology conference on indian birds. Sacon was the place I spent half of my time after home. I would climb the tiny path, admiring the colorful flowers and the call of the birds. I met many eminent ornithologists..Rauf Ali, Suhel Qader, and many many people..I shared a wonderful rapport with the new people. After being active in couchsurfing I got this interesting mail from an ornithologist from Gujarat. I was happy to meet him. We all had a small couch surfers meet in Coimbatore. I met Dr. Christopher who worked on elephants in Kottayam. I spent long hours chatting with him. I was much appreciated for the work I do and I did really feel humble and great about myself. I was indeed bringing in new dimensions to journalism and research writing. I do feel proud. I met Arpit, the guy from Gujarat and told him where he can do birding around Coimbatore. I met Jigna who run her own boutique in Coimbatore. She said I can drop in whenever I want to and her home is always open..I said..I love you for saying that..She was damn friendly..I met Harish who did his fashion designing from Canada and launched his new label for adventure apparels. That was so cool! He was a wildlife photographer as well..Buddy, count me in for any travel..I love wilderness..I said in a jiffy..Sure he said..We all had a great time at coffee day and it was fun. I love the people in Coimbatore..they dont speak the galeej chennai tamil, they treat people with a lot of respect and are warm..

The next day at conference, I spent lot of time with new people and old friends..it was great..the weather was cold and I loved to watch mountains and sip my tea sitting on my usual steps outside the canteen..

I conversed with scientists, did some work for my story and then headed off home..My friend just then called me over for dinner. He was my very old friend, but I saw a new side to him. It was shocking, it was bad! But then I got to know the truth. I moved on. Sometimes you know about people after long time! I chose to have a few good friends and be happy. Rather there are a very few people I talk to and very few words. Reticence is my best friend. In between I have been reading Eat, Pray and Love and I quite love Liz for writing the book!

I made a trip to Chennai with one of the top ten ornithologists in the world, Dr. Rhys. He was so quiet. Writing and reading. I chatted with my friend Sumant and laughed. We walked out of the AC coach and stood near the door and talked about life..watching the green fields and breathing fresh air. I was heading to my best friend's wedding. Little did I know that it would be the most hardworking week of my life..I spent hours and sleepless nights right from cleaning my friend's room (literally dustbin).

I had to go do shopping with her and in between developed an eye allergy..Jeez..save me! I was fine later. I did no shopping for myself and I knew I was gonna wear my mom's saree for the wedding. I did just that. But my friend's dad picked up a dress for me. I kinda love wearing sarees..anyway, the madness was really madness..I had no time to breathe..literally..The last one week I lost a sense of time and place and my life and everything..Last night after the wedding reception was over, my eyes became as red as tomato and I think that was it..The wedding happened in a jiffy. Raced through in the last five minutes before the auspicious time was over..I was keeping my fingers crossed..

I loved my friend's in laws. FIL looked like a strict person but I kind of liked him. He has this certain sense of calmness which I admired. I loved the guy's family..I think I just need a family like that..calm, dignified people with absolutely no show offs..finally my friend's dream of marrying the guy she loved became true!

What happens to my friend next? Don't know...But I wish for her happiness..

Amen. Can't write more details on blog. But I learnt a lot about life and the brouhaha over weddings, the expensive outfits, relationships and how difficult it is to carry something called marriage. I think I love my tiny space..till and if I find someone naturally!!

I am damn tired right now! And you know why. Between, forgot to mention..I made a trip to Kotagiri and witnessed the beauty of mountains. It wasnt as cold as I expected it to be and then went to Ooty and brought in ornamental plants for home..and came via conoor..got chocolate tea! I went to an old St. Stephen's church..amazing! On the way to kotigiri, I almost escaped a bison..thanks to my friend who got off in the middle. I was so mad at him for that. What if the bison had really attacked me! :( Anyway, thanks God for making the bison run back to hills and saving me! phew..

Lot of things..but yeah I think I am becoming saner and wiser day by day like my friend Renju said..it was nice to see your face..it looked like..you were so calm and serene..Yes honey, I am close to nirvana I said..Renju is one girl for whom I can thank God a million times ..you gave me a priceless treasure..

In the wedding, my friend's cousin (a 15yr old girl) became so close to me..that she fed me sweets..fed me food..made me coffee..and kissed my cheeks..I love you akka..still ringing in my ears..and everytime she said I looked gorgeous than ever before, I smiled..she said I love you Sharada a hundred times..I dont think even a guy has told me I love you so many times..Sweet things of life...

adios time and cant really blog too many of my experiences here ...:) cheers!

Time to live my bucket list?

High time! No rant, but I am tired of living for others, in a sense, making others happy through a certain action of mine. I certainly can't convince every person in this world and justify, listen this is what I want to do and this is how I want to live my life. Being individualistic is great! Atleast I am not bothering others!

Anyway, coming to the topic, there have been things that I wanted to do in life and I am going t list out things I have done, and some things I want to do and I hope and believe I would be able to do them.

What I have done:

Published a book. Well, that was a long time dream come true. But hey, I am not done. I have still two books that are knocking on my mind right now.

Traveled to Egypt. It was like a dream come true for that is one place in the world I wanted to go, that too by myself. Visiting the Pyramids was one more tick mark.

Being an environmental journalist-dream since 16 came true after lot of struggle and hard work. But it did happen.

Travel in a backpacking way- Done it in the last 5-7 years of living by myself- villages of tamilnadu, kerala, architectural monuments, forests, tsunami struck places, waterfall..the list can go on...

Bird watching-I was a duh when it came to bird watching. Used to watch my friends spot birds and identify while I looked like an idiot..Now, I don't, I learnt. Another tick mark..Yayy!

Did still water river rafting with mom! :)

Started Graphite Ink :)

Started teaching writing

Started giving public talks (big dream come true)

Gave many the confidence to speak and shed inhibitions (pat on my back)


What I want to do

Travel global. Every year or once in two years, visit a country. Yep. I am glad I am starting this new year in Singapore/Malaysia. The journey begins.

Want to travel to Botswana, explore Africa, travel to Vatican city, Venice, Innusbruck in Austria, Fraser island, France, Antarctica and the list goes on.

100 countries before I die..I want to make that dream come true!

Bungee jumping, sky diving, scuba diving, and any freaking adventure sport.

Write travel books and books about people I met in life.

Want to go back to college, probably international. I have been planning this from 19, but yeah now I wanna make it happen. Study, work and travel. Life is simple!

Spend a year for one thing-one year of hindi writing, one year or two years of studying environmental law/education/science, one year of creative writing, one year of writing in hindi, one year of writing in tamil (one year being minimum), one year of short stories, one year of poetry ..and more ...

Want to apply for the semester at sea cruise..Its world travel in a ship for three months. I want a free ride. Actually! I am gonna find ways!

Traverse through the forests of world.

Throw away the mobile phone and men..Both are useless..

Right now, this is what is on the top of my head. I shall think more and write if something crops up!

Sweet surprises

Life is full of surprising things. Last Jan, I was in train traveling with a bunch of sardar uncles, who took care of me like their own daughter. They shared home made parathas with me, and when we landed in Ludhiana station, in the freezing winter, took me out to a local dhaba to feed me some more parathas. God bless them. One of the uncles, was so happy that I was a writer. In the train, he recited some shayaris to me..It was amazing. Uncleji, kya kavita hai..I said..Apna email id do beta, he said. I gave him. After I hugged them and bid them adios at Ludhiana station, not knowing when I would meet them, I was suprised to receive email of Sukhwinder uncle. He sent his poem to me...I read and replied. :) I was thrilled! Actually!

Today, I got yet another email from Sukhwinder uncle..Been so long..Beta, I am in Canada with my family..aap kaise ho..I am smiling now..ear to ear..what a surprise. He lost my number and he has promised to call me from Canada. I am sure he will call me..beshak! :) Oh how much I love these people of Punjab! And the sweet things of life..priceless moment!

Introspection after long..

It has been a long time since I have introspected on my life, but when I look back, I feel there are lot of things I have learnt and maybe I have changed people's lives in lot of ways and that makes me feel so much better!

It has been almost two years since I chucked my job as TamilNadu correspondent of Outlook Business. How crazy was I to chuck a job in national magazine? How many people get through it to chuck? But after spending two long years working for the magazine, traveling to the most rustic corners of India, seeing people suffering in abject poverty, lacking even basic medical facilities and then coming back and writing about it, putting it my emotions and thoughts and my writing skills..eventually I thought, yeah I write, but does it impact others? No! To a certain extent, yes! Some stories I wrote did make a lot of sense and put things in perspective. But I was tired, mentally, to answer endless phonecalls from PR people, from boss, my editing team, all of weekend, with no sense of time. I was oblivious of my life. I was so sunk in job that I seldom got time to introspect and then it hit me. And then there was a trigger to rediscover myself and wonder what to do..One, right at the time when I was tired of my job, I was going through a relationship crisis. Everything put together affected me massively and I had decided it was time to move on.

After I convinced my boss, and told him I am not sure what I am going to do next, I breathed hard. For a few months I stayed in Chennai. I traveled and backpacked with my friend, and sometimes alone for about couple of months. It was in Athirampally waterfalls I met a gentleman who was editor of the Week magazine. He just called me to click his picture and casually asked me. I told him I quit my job and was thinking of pursuing environmental journalism full fledged..hey sharada, that's awesome, I am starting a a magazine on the same, why don't you write for me and be a south correspondent. Life I thought! Sure, and I pulled out my card and gave him..I took his card as well. How God shows light and makes you meet people in the most unexpected circumstances of life...

I traveled a lot and cleared my head. My phone remained on silent for long. The PR calls stopped and I was happy without my phone. I truly was enjoying this phase. I got internship at the university of waterloo's environment department, but sadly did not get my visa..but the editor was like..whenever you come to Canada, you can work with me..That was so sweet of her!

It was then I decided to move from Chennai, from the usual city life, socialising, partying..just leave everything and push off to Coimbatore..where my dad lived his best..and happiest..I had anyway quit my job.

I packed up my bags, told my house owner, bade adieu to my neighbor aunty who shed buckets of tears when I left..who will motivate me, she asked..You have to just call me and I will come here. Coimbatore is not far. Hugged her and left. emotions..yup!

After I moved here, I found peace of mind, and developed an interest for birds, started taking care of my house, backyard, planted trees and life was just so good. I did not attempt to make friends. I just needed long days of solitude..My life wasn't planned. No! That was the best part. I never planned my life, but yeah moved along when things work. I create ideas and work out and that is how I live my life. No plans, but maybe I also learnt to be organised.

I spent a year writing bird book, I learnt bird watching, read books on ornithology, discovered nature..End of it, I published a book last year, much appreciated by people! It wasn't planned. I met Priya who edited the book only once and after we worked on the book for a year, we became such good friends that we decided to capitalise on our strengths to start something on our own. That worked too. We clinched a big project and finished it. That was unplanned too!

I became a cat lover..And I realised that love when genuinely given to an animal is reciprocated in the right way..even animals understand true and fake love..:) I am an unabashed lover of cats..I just love when they cuddle upto me and I feel their soft furs..

I published a book, published a story in an anthology, discovered that I am a good creative writer. Two of my short stories were long listed for urban shots' national best seller. Boosted me further. Then I signed a contract with TerraGreen and got into hardcore environmental journalism-exactly what I wanted..I have nothing to complain. I did go through relationship crisis, but I got over it..I am happy to know that the very same people thank me for having changed their lives even today..That makes me feel that every individual you meet, there is a reason, God chooses you to change them, or chooses them to change you..and I have learnt from every single person..No regrets!

Unplanned life is indeed great but I am done with my share of broken relations. I see only me now and want to live to make myself happy and in the process if I can benefit someone along the way, I will do it.

I traveled, I met many people, I learnt many lessons and now I do not know where I am heading next. Life is still unplanned! Very much, and I hope it keeps throwing me sweet surprises!! Always..Amen..and thanks to all the people in my life who have made me what I am today- mom, pri, k, anurag, krupa, divya, aarti..you mean a lot to me!! Life, thank you!

Rant for the 999th time

I wanted to put it as men rant, just deleted those three letters so that people don't think I am a man hater or a feminist and honestly speaking I am NOT! I rather love being in the company of men, for I always felt they are easy going on life, than women who bitch and bite each other about everything..coming to the topic..I seriously wondered today, why men are men..I remembered what my brother told me -we are practical and we only think problems and solutions, we don't really look at emotional side of decision making. I have seen that in lot many men, and it does hurt me at times, but then what do I do, sit quiet and let them think and form perceptions about my state of mind or express how I feel about what they feel about me...Darn! There is no end to thinking..and for the first time, my usual casual remarks were taken seriously by someone..and it pains to see that..I mean dude, that is how I am with anyone I talk..Saying get lost does not mean =please get lost. It is my state of mind. For once, why can't people take things in a not so literal sense than jumping to conclusions, thinking and acting emotionally. Drat! I am mentally tired and sick of explaining that I joke!! And this is how I joke, its nothing to do with fooling with someone's emotions or giving someone sleepless nights and sitting and apologising the entire day...I need a life..I have my mood swings..I am a woman, I am a Gemini, and I am a writer! So, I can be double, triple, emotional and have greater mood swing than a normal person..But yeah that's me!! What do I do if someone feels that my turmoiled state of mind affects him or her? Move away, try and explain or do what! I don't understand. A time when I feel it is time to move on and speak to my women friends who undergo the same thing and share their lives with me..similar rants or different, but its unburdening of the self..It helps me calm down, get a grip and move on..

Sometimes I go to an extent of thinking- until you are married, people have a problem you are single, when married, deal with a husband, and then a kid and then the in laws..so end to individualism and your private space? Why? I mean why? Why can't people just stop admonishing me for not what I am..and stop being judgemental about every word I utter..Dammit it hurts!

I was telling my mom..why get married, oh no! It is a pain, rather go and seek some solitude, lead a minimalist life, meditate in the hills, do good to others, globetrot, and die writing a book. Why make life so complicated!!

Pri, if you are listening, thanks for hearing me out babe! Love you!

Self-awareness, joy, contentment and learnings

It has been almost a week since I landed in Hyderabad. I did not have plans to come this month, but I think it was a strong 'call" that made me come here. When I was invited by the Director of Vivekananda Institute for Human Excellence, one I could find it hard to believe, a man of such a high stature choosing a young girl like me to share stage with him and give sessions. Yes, why not, he said. You have traveled so much, met many people and you are a journalist. I sure jumped at it and I am thankful to 'life' for many things. Sometimes, things just happen, with no plans or agenda or blueprint..thats how I love and cherish it..

The day I reached here, I was dead tired, but no sooner I reached, I had to recharge myself to give a talk in one college. I went and met the Director. I have given talks, judged events, but this is a huge class and I haven't done one bit of preparation. How am I going to manage it? It is going to be a huge challenge. Go share your experience, don't be nervous, he said.

When I stepped into the college and met the principal, I was quite humbled the way I was treated.I walked into a classroom full of students. I was a little nervous. But then, I started off, quite naturally, breaking the ice and being friendly with the students. Session one on communications skills-not bad. Second session was better, even better. I was able to just pull the students like a magnet. I remember what my college buddy and best friend Prince used to tell about me -you are a crowd puller babe..I used to laugh, but now I know I am..The students were going gaga...and said a big thanks..What did I do...I reflected upon some thoughts..What did I really do and how did all this happen? I just realised many things about myself-I had a strong power ..the power of motivating others, the capability of controlling a huge audience, the confidence to speak up and express my thoughts and ideas, to pass on the energy and knowledge I had..to make them let go of fear..and make them confident human beings...This was self-discovery for me.

I gave more than 7-8 talks, and every talk, I learnt something about myself, the immense power I had..I also did not give up. On the first day, I remember a girl sitting on the bench, shivering, her head down.. I went up to her and said, today, you are going to talk. No way, she said in a low tone. Let me see how you don't do it..For almost ten minutes, i stood next to her, coaxed her, to stop assuming what other would think when she spoke, how others would mock her, react to her..or what if she make mistakes..those things should all be ignored..in ten minutes, she stood up..i was also persistent..she spoke..and she spoke on for five minutes..end of it..there were claps..she felt a great sense of accomplishment- led me to a point..we all have self confidence, but we are not confident of the self confidence within us..before teaching them communication skills, I had to work on making their fears disappear, make them believe in their own capabilities...and that did the trick..the girl sent me an email to me..thank you for making me over come my stage fear..this was achievement for me..I created a change..in someone's life..and its a priceless feeling..Every session, I went for, the students stood up.,.and spoke..and it was my task to make them do so..the girls would just not cooperate..I also realised giving a sermon never helps..before they learn anything, they should be equipped to know themselves, train their mind and then absorb..I just did that..

The next day, a girl came crying to me because she could not talk in English..but she was actually talking to me in English..You are fine I said as I wiped her tears...You are good, where is the mistake..We are all good, we just dont know how good we are..Never stoop down, you are special..everyone is special...

The past few days there have been great experiences..There were arguments, discussions, questions were thrown and I answered it all..I also learnt from them, I learnt their problems and worked on them to give a common solution..my own solutions...from my experiences or learning from life..It was simple as I shared with my students, how it is important to be open and honest in anything you do..Some did say it was not possible in practical world. but why lie I asked..you can only when it is life and death situation, not otherwise, it is better to be truthful..and truth is the only thing which actually purifies your soul..I know many people would not agree to me on lying to pass off temp situations...but I definitely do not appreciate it...It puts me off..I know why I can't stand liars now..I am learning about myself...

Today, was an extraordinary day. I went to a college...the girls there came from a totally rural background..I had a very very tough time in breaking the ice. For almost half an hour, no one was cooperating with me..I got angry, but I did not show it. I rather said, I will not leave the place unless you are with me..the next one hour, things changed, I fought with myself..in a hard way...to make them communication..to break their fears...to make them confident and I did it all..

The students were overjoyed. That was it. Today though I thought I almost failed, self motivation helped me..it did..After I left the class, some students went and thanked the principal for bringing me and they said they want to hear more of me..I noticed sparkling smiles, energized faces, confidence...I was happy..The principal called me and gave me a gift..I could not accept, but she justified it...what we could not do, you did..When are you coming next? I was lauded by the department people for my incredible patience (got it from my mother and grandmother).

Anytime, I said. They are arranging workshops for me in Hyderabad and all the colleges I went to wants me now..My students are happy, they are confident, they will go places, I know they will..

For me personally, it was 'mastery on self-discovery'..Last, I told the students..Why fear, we all have one life to live, lets be happy and throw everything that makes one weak..Fear is the greatest sin..as Swami Vivekananda puts it..

It is probably one of the most satisfying days of my life..I know I am good at motivating people..:)