Self-awareness, joy, contentment and learnings

It has been almost a week since I landed in Hyderabad. I did not have plans to come this month, but I think it was a strong 'call" that made me come here. When I was invited by the Director of Vivekananda Institute for Human Excellence, one I could find it hard to believe, a man of such a high stature choosing a young girl like me to share stage with him and give sessions. Yes, why not, he said. You have traveled so much, met many people and you are a journalist. I sure jumped at it and I am thankful to 'life' for many things. Sometimes, things just happen, with no plans or agenda or blueprint..thats how I love and cherish it..

The day I reached here, I was dead tired, but no sooner I reached, I had to recharge myself to give a talk in one college. I went and met the Director. I have given talks, judged events, but this is a huge class and I haven't done one bit of preparation. How am I going to manage it? It is going to be a huge challenge. Go share your experience, don't be nervous, he said.

When I stepped into the college and met the principal, I was quite humbled the way I was treated.I walked into a classroom full of students. I was a little nervous. But then, I started off, quite naturally, breaking the ice and being friendly with the students. Session one on communications skills-not bad. Second session was better, even better. I was able to just pull the students like a magnet. I remember what my college buddy and best friend Prince used to tell about me -you are a crowd puller babe..I used to laugh, but now I know I am..The students were going gaga...and said a big thanks..What did I do...I reflected upon some thoughts..What did I really do and how did all this happen? I just realised many things about myself-I had a strong power ..the power of motivating others, the capability of controlling a huge audience, the confidence to speak up and express my thoughts and ideas, to pass on the energy and knowledge I had..to make them let go of fear..and make them confident human beings...This was self-discovery for me.

I gave more than 7-8 talks, and every talk, I learnt something about myself, the immense power I had..I also did not give up. On the first day, I remember a girl sitting on the bench, shivering, her head down.. I went up to her and said, today, you are going to talk. No way, she said in a low tone. Let me see how you don't do it..For almost ten minutes, i stood next to her, coaxed her, to stop assuming what other would think when she spoke, how others would mock her, react to her..or what if she make mistakes..those things should all be ignored..in ten minutes, she stood up..i was also persistent..she spoke..and she spoke on for five minutes..end of it..there were claps..she felt a great sense of accomplishment- led me to a point..we all have self confidence, but we are not confident of the self confidence within us..before teaching them communication skills, I had to work on making their fears disappear, make them believe in their own capabilities...and that did the trick..the girl sent me an email to me..thank you for making me over come my stage fear..this was achievement for me..I created a change..in someone's life..and its a priceless feeling..Every session, I went for, the students stood up.,.and spoke..and it was my task to make them do so..the girls would just not cooperate..I also realised giving a sermon never helps..before they learn anything, they should be equipped to know themselves, train their mind and then absorb..I just did that..

The next day, a girl came crying to me because she could not talk in English..but she was actually talking to me in English..You are fine I said as I wiped her tears...You are good, where is the mistake..We are all good, we just dont know how good we are..Never stoop down, you are special..everyone is special...

The past few days there have been great experiences..There were arguments, discussions, questions were thrown and I answered it all..I also learnt from them, I learnt their problems and worked on them to give a common solution..my own solutions...from my experiences or learning from life..It was simple as I shared with my students, how it is important to be open and honest in anything you do..Some did say it was not possible in practical world. but why lie I asked..you can only when it is life and death situation, not otherwise, it is better to be truthful..and truth is the only thing which actually purifies your soul..I know many people would not agree to me on lying to pass off temp situations...but I definitely do not appreciate it...It puts me off..I know why I can't stand liars now..I am learning about myself...

Today, was an extraordinary day. I went to a college...the girls there came from a totally rural background..I had a very very tough time in breaking the ice. For almost half an hour, no one was cooperating with me..I got angry, but I did not show it. I rather said, I will not leave the place unless you are with me..the next one hour, things changed, I fought with myself..in a hard way...to make them communication..to break their fears...to make them confident and I did it all..

The students were overjoyed. That was it. Today though I thought I almost failed, self motivation helped me..it did..After I left the class, some students went and thanked the principal for bringing me and they said they want to hear more of me..I noticed sparkling smiles, energized faces, confidence...I was happy..The principal called me and gave me a gift..I could not accept, but she justified it...what we could not do, you did..When are you coming next? I was lauded by the department people for my incredible patience (got it from my mother and grandmother).

Anytime, I said. They are arranging workshops for me in Hyderabad and all the colleges I went to wants me now..My students are happy, they are confident, they will go places, I know they will..

For me personally, it was 'mastery on self-discovery'..Last, I told the students..Why fear, we all have one life to live, lets be happy and throw everything that makes one weak..Fear is the greatest sin..as Swami Vivekananda puts it..

It is probably one of the most satisfying days of my life..I know I am good at motivating people..:)

Hyderabad story..Part 1..

I was standing on the corridor in my crisp white pale blue and white salwar..with the chiffon white dupatta sprinkled in gold..swaying to the wind, and drops of rain trickling on me..I turned around...saw a dashing guy in a yellow t shirt and denims, in a confident walk, a smiled adorned his face...I looked at him and turned away...I soon got to work, I was judging the Youth awards this year in Hyderabad and the director, was so much in awe and respect for me..that he chose to take me in the esteemed panel of judges...

I was sifting through a book and putting forth my questions to grill the students when I was called..Yes, sir, I told the director and walked up to him. As my eyes shifted, the guy in the yellow tshirt was standing right next to him!! For a moment, I became silent. Meet C, he said, he is a HR head in one of the leading companies (I do not wish to name the company). I gently shifted by books and papers to my left hand and shook hands with him..Meet sharada, journalist and an excellent writer, I was smiling..so, you and C will sit and prepare the questions to grill the kids, he said..He left us then. C and I walked together..Shall we sit here, I asked..sure, so what do you think how do we go about it. I pulled out some chits and placed in front of him, and asked his opinion..Are these okay? He went through them one by one, and said, hey great questions..Lets think more..

For an hour, we exchanged thoughts and ideas...Hey, do you think we should put a question on how society impacts the decisions of students...he asked me..I hmmm'ed...I think its good..For example, and then he went on to voice his views..I don't think I want to get married, because the society wants it..I jumped..exactly..even I think the same..why should I get married..

In between these discussions, I noticed his hand, no ring...hmm..single..I thought..Soon, his phone rang..excuse me, i need to take this call, he said..Sure, i said..Hey S (it was a girl on the other end), what happened to you, are you ok ..Maybe gf I thought..then the conversation drifted to recruitment..Bah! He hung up and said, You know these official calls...Lets get back to work I said..In the midst..he was punching sms after sms, taking calls..It was okay though...

This was great, a GUY thought like me..I just realised..!! As we further explored the questions..he shot, "hey you are a journalist, because you wanted to be one, isnt it?" Yes, I said..But your family sure would have wanted you to be an engineer..I looked at him and smiled..Yes, my brother dreamed of me getting into IIT which was far from what I even imagined..But I chose this and I am happy..See, this is what I want the students to do, do what they want..and he smiled as he emphasised..

What an amazing guy!

After breaking our heads, we took a break and then I asked him..so, you grew up here?
Yeah, he said, hardcore Hyderabadi...We spent the next three hours judging the event..by the time it was 4.30. In the midst of the judging session, he was on phone, smsing all the time. I so badly wanted to snatch his bbb (bloody blackberry) and tell him..concentrate on the talk..Darn! I felt helpless. I kind of didnt like the fact that he was using his phone when something serious was happening, but his smart talk and questions made up for all that..

It was very late, I thrust my total score sheet in his hand and said..I need to run now, my friend has been waiting for long..I was so thrilled by the idea of going to Laad Bazaar to buy bangles, watch charminar, have some nice irani chai and sip it slowly watching the rains...I forgot to even take his email id..

It just happens, you meet some interesting people and there you go..especially when you are single...hey he seems my type..:P

But now, it feels like heck, it was just another bumping into someone..and hey I did have a great time at Laad bazaar...sitting right inside charminar, feeling the towering monument, watching the lanes of colorful bangles with generous amounts of gold and silver, rich broacdes of silk and silver...chandelier ear rings, mehndi, colorful footwear..I could keep staring at my lovely feet..all this was worth it..and about the guy...well, he was just another passerby. Things change and you grow up!! :) ha ha!!

Cochin tales

It was when I was a kid that I visited Cochin. I have vague memories of seeing the Jewish Synagogue and going in a boat, but do not remember much. I wanted to go and spend time with my friend Ranjini, wanted to take a break from work and also spent some time traveling. I realised I did not want to the rough travel that I usually do. I think I was mentally, physically drained to the core. I went to stay at my friend's granma's house. They called her 'Ammana'. I got her sweets..My mother always says that when you go to a house for the first time, especially when there are elders, you should get something. Ammana was happy, when I touched her feet and offered her sweets. I do not know Malayalam, but yeah I can speak and somewhat manage..I could understand what she said...Thanks to the Palakkad Tamil. She said, she understood english, but she also told me she would teach me Malayalam and as always I was game to learn a new language..

The rice is Kerala is unlike the rice we eat here, huge ones..but after traveling to so many places, I was flexible to eat whatever was offered to me..another thing which travel taught me is to be grateful for having what you have..Ammana cooked authentic Kerala style dishes, like how my amma makes it..and for everything they used coconut oil..She made variety of food and papadam everyday. I just hugged her and told her that she is awesome. Ammana lived alone, but she is a strong willed lady, enthusiastic, cheerful, a great sense of humor and cheeks that you can keep pulling..:) I loved teasing her. I literally asked her to make new things for me..and she made it..and she also appreciated that I ate every single thing that she made, including karelas..I never eat bitter gourd, but for her, I ate. She had taken so much pains to make it.

She used to get me stuff from outside, vadas..and I loved it..At night, she recited Ramayana, and I used to sit and listen to her and then pray and go to bed. She gave me whole loads of tea, and I loved it. Sitting on the steps outside the house, watching butterflies, reading book, playing with the cat and sipping chai. The cat also became very friendly with me and everytime I came back home, she would call me out..waiting to be pampered..

I also got to attend a two day conference for environmental education at Mangalavanam bird sanctuary where I met Anup's mom and dad. After the conference, I went to their house. Aunty made ada..and I always loved it..I had loads of them, shamelessly..aunty and uncle became very friendly with me and I had loads of coffee..with coriander and jeera..I never sampled a masala coffee before, but I loved the taste of it..Anup's house was an eco friendly house and aunty and uncle had a huge garden full of medicinal plants..The next day, we went again for lunch at aunty's place and ended up talking about old scriptures and all that..Suddenly, I heard a tuk tuk sound, and when I looked out, it was a woodpecker..I watched it for a long time before it flew away..I loved Anup's home..I told aunty and uncle I would come and stay with them and sit and write there..they were only happy..they were living by themselves..I hugged aunty before I left..

I met many people in this journey, an auto wallah who was at a roadside tea shop at Fort Kochi..His name ended with Cochin..So, isnt it a created name, I asked..Yes, and he laughed..He said he belonged to Bombay and we started chatting up. Right from the ticket sellers, to people on the streets, everyone was helpful to me and I am really thankful to God for making me meet such wonderful people.

Ammana and valli chechi (next door neighbor) showered so much love and affection that I belonged to that part of family..I was humbled..The day I left, Ammana told me that I should live with her and go to Coimbatore once in a while, I smiled at her and promised to come often.. a promise is a promise..I am gonna take amma and go there again very soon..

I called ammana yesterday and she said, how do you do? English,,hmmm..I am good and how are you I asked..she started laughing..I managed to pull a broken malayalam conversation for 5 mins (big deal for me) and end of it she said..if you cant communicate something in malayalam, say in english..I am glad I could figure that out..I was happy..New families come into my life like this..I love my life!! :)

Another night at SACON campus :)

My visits to the Salim Ali Centre for Ornithology and Natural history (sacon) has become very frequent in the last few years..I love being in the campus..right from the gate, entering into the main campus, the one km stretch is filled with birds, surrounded by mountains and mist..I walked across watching different birds..

Anyway, I went to the campus again to meet Dr. Pramod, who heads the nature education and outreach division. I work with him. He called me to the seminar room. I am giving a talk, he said. I went and sat with some college students, hearing his talk. His talk is so full for admiration for nature and completely gripping. I sat there listening to him, and then he put on a few slides and was telling the students about each bird. I could rattle off the name of the bird, slide after slide, and I was getting excited like a little kid, that I could identify most of these birds. I was happy for myself. Soon after the lecture, I met two girls who were working with Dr. Pramod. I went about chatting with them and I spoke to Dr. Pramod. Sir, you know, I was able to identify most of the birds. Of course, you had to, you are an author of bird book...but still..something about nature always excites..I get excited hearing about birds..

Soon, we went to the canteen to have lunch and got into a conversation. As we came back from the lunch, I met Shoms, after a month, she had just returned from UK. She is the only expert of small cats in India, and a great friend of mine. I went up and hugged her. She was there along with another prof from Scotland and they were standing there searching for a chameleon. I stood and wondered if we could see it. Soon, he spotted a beautifully camouflaged chameleon in green, sitting on the top of the tree. I pulled up the binocs and saw its splendid color. I was lost in admiration of the pretty creature. The way it walked, and suddenly pulled its tongue out to pull it prey was interesting to watch. We watched it for many minutes ...then I went for a discussion with Dr. Pramod. Shoms, said, hey we are staying back in the campus, why don't you stay with us? Sure, I jumped! I loved the campus, sitting on the steps outside canteen with my hot cuppa, watching the valleys and feeling the cold wind.

Later I met Dr. Balasubramanian who worked on hornbills and told him about what I do. We spent one long hour talking about various things, especially tree bird relationship. He said something about me..in one hour, sharada, I feel you are a very balanced person and your thinking is comprehensive. I thanked him for making my day!

I went to Shoms's room and we started chatting, soon Aarti joined (she worked on fishes). My friend Nikhil came along..he worked on biodiversity change in Bharatapuzha river area in the last 50 years..We all had a great time..soon Ramesh and Ramesh joined..one worked on Indian pythons and one worked on a project in Nagaland. Then there was my friend Sheeba, who worked on spot billed pelicans. There were three girls from Delhi who were doing there masters in biodiversity conservation who joined us as well. We all went and trekked a few places from behind the Sacon campus..we had hot tea and bajjis after the little tough trek..at night, we got eggs and other things to make dinner..We walked back on the main road to the campus..it was pitch dark, we could not see a thing, but we kept talking and walking in the mountain path..it was a beautiful night..soon, we went to the campus kitchen and started cooking...we wanted to make lemonade and realised we did not have lemons..hey wait, said Nikhil, we will go and pluck garden fresh lemons...great idea, I said..soon he came with half a dozen lemons..We were creating ruckus in the kitchen and after dinner, we went to the terrace..and wanted to sit down and sing and have fun..it started drizzling..so we went to another place..which actually looked like an auditorium..sat there and sang until 12..we had so much fun and we were all in the same interest group- all of us were nature lovers and were working on those issues..At 12.30, went off to sleep finally, after spending an awesome evening..we would have walked some 8 kms yesterday..at it was great to just crash on the bed..I woke up late in the morning and looked at the mountains and breathed deeply..It was time to get back home..I took my long walk on the winding road, watching robins and babblers flying all over..a beautiful day and a great break after long...

obsessive men? grrr!!!

A few days back I was clearing off "interests" expressed in me on tamil matrimony. As I was sifting through the profiles, I came across one profile and I gently clicked the view profile tab to find who the gentleman was..From what he had described about himself, he seemed to be a person who liked to live and let live-simple straight philosophy and I strongly believed in it. I think like my friend Pri says when I talk about space, its the need for giving time for one's self..people don't get it! So, she says you find someone who needs space..and then he will understand what you mean by having your personal space in the relationship..

Without further digression, I looked at the profile, and he had written a lot about himself, he loved writing, etc etc..So, I emailed him, saying I liked his profile..And left a text message as well. He sent me a message at like 2 am asking me if I wanted to talk..what on earth was that..No sooner, he sent one very long email full of what he is all about. I wasn't that enthusiastic, manybe it has curbed in the years ..but at times yeah, I do talk a lot to people I connect naturally to. So, I thanked him for the long email and said let me think about it.

The next day, a message pops in. It was him. Are you seriously considering me? I was like..pooff..why is this guy after my life..I just emailed him yesterday...I did not reply to the message and the whole of Monday I was out and busy. In the evening another text popped in. I didn't want it to be him. I was already tired of his obsessiveness. Are you seriously considering it? I said, I am open to it, so let's see where it goes. Even then I was willing to give it a chance. The reply came" you don't seem to be making effort to answer my call or make calls to me." That was it. I got ticked off big time and then sent him a message, it is easy to jump to conclusions without knowing about someone and FYI, I have meetings and work and I can't keep answering calls all the time. Also, I wasn't well from one week, with a bad throat. I mean, i hit myself, why was I explaining myself to someone like this? This guy was born to a doctor parents, was an engg, MBA working in a good company, young and good looking, but no sense...its only nonsense..

In toto, I conclude that please do not believe ALL the men who write glorified things about themselves in their matri profile..for you all you know, not everyone can be as honest as you..and sometimes..in all probability, some people might write exactly the opposite of how and who they are..like in this case...in the morning, I got another message, how are you and I blindly deleted it..I am now going to delete his number..I don't know how people can get so obsessed with someone..obsession out of love would still be acceptably but not like 'whiny' guys like my friend Pri says..

Pri, thanks for being my listener of men-rants. :)

Ladoo bhai, salaam

It was a long pending task for me, I was to interview a stuntman from the Gujarat Film industry. He was waiting to talk to me and today I finally decided to pick the phone and call him. I heard a very sweet voice on the other end. Laddu sahib aap hai, I asked? Haan, main hi bol raha hoon, aap mujhe interview karne wali thi na. He could not speak English, so I spoke with him in Hindi.

Laddu bhai (that's how he was addressed in the film industry) was a fun person to talk to. I was asking him if he was ever afraid of doing stunts for many heroes and from what he spoke, there was no space for fear in his life. I took some inspiration from him. As I was talking to him, he suddenly thrust a few questions to me..madam, ek baat boloon, he asked..haan kahiya (yes, tell) I told him, aap dil ke bahut saaf hai (you are very clean by heart). I smiled, and even laughed. Laddu bhai, I don't like lies. Madam, aap dil ki bahut acchi hai (you are very good at heart). I had heard that many times from many people, but here was someone who was talking to me over phone and in a few minutes gauged the real me. Further, he said, you are stubborn, aren't you? And a go getter, you never leave till you achieve things, fighter. I had to agree, that was my true personality. I am stubborn at times, especially when it comes to fulfilling my own dreams, for me that is the only integral part of my life. I was surprised by Laddu bhai's talks. Aap sab kaise jaane hai? How do you know so much about me? Madam, from your voice. I know people. He continued, Haven't people told you have a beautiful smile? I was speechless. Haan bhai, I have heard that very often but how do you know. I can feel it from here. You have a lovely smile and you are a very honest person. I was really moved that I forgot my questions.

Here was a man, who said he was happy, really happy in life. He lived in a match box house, lived a risky professional life, but his voice, soft and subdued, effused with happiness, gentleness and respect for others. I am of course not going to reveal his life story here, but this day taught me a lesson of happiness. How people can be happy despite what.

Laddu bhai is definitely one inspiration. I loved the way he was upfront with me. I loved the way he was himself, not judgemental, but speaking from heart!
Salaam to you Laddu Bhai, aap mahan ho!! Now, I can't wait to meet him!

Meeting a friend after a decade

It was another short trip to Madras, it was wedding reception of my friend Gayatri, who has been my inspiration when I just needed it..I was meeting her after a decade. I never met her after she left for the US. She has been an inspiration to me, from the time I knew her. I was 21 when I met her, and she was 22, we met through a common friend, who was actually my cousin. Gayatri's mother is a renowned carnatic music singer but she never depended on her family to support for her education. She completed her masters in Bombay and left for Ohio to do her MFA and then ended up doing MBA in Arts management. As a 21 year old, I was worried about getting a sanction for every action of mine from my family and only then I would be at solace. I was telling Gayatri about how my brother was influencing me to pursue science and MBA, than economics. You know Sharada. my sister tried telling me that too, do MBA, why ART management, it won't pay, but for us it is the sheer passion that is the driver of life. I was listening to her in full attention. I was seeking her help for my Ph.D apps. I remember spending long hours with her. Walking down from Wadala station to her house, talking to her and relishing food made by her mom, and chatting with her granma. Those were the lovely few days. Soon, it was time for her to bid adieu. She left for the US, with a full scholarship. Indeed, I was proud of her and I knew what I had to do to be like her. I followed my heart, and completely did what I wanted, despite many oppositions. I remembered her a lot. We lost touch...months ..years passed..sometimes I would get her emails..Sometimes her mother would tell how busy she was..

I never met her..One day, she suddenly buzzed me and I chatted with her for a few minutes. That pepped me up. We got back in touch but on and off...And one day, she told me she is coming to India and she is getting married. My joy grew no bounds, of course for the fact that she was getting married, but more for a reason that I was meeting her after a decade.

I went to the venue and my heart stopped looking at her. You look stunning, she said as I went and hugged her..Wished her, spoke to her husband and chatted a bit. Later I spent time listening to the Manganiyars, a folk music group from Rajasthan who graced the occasion. I spent time with her sister, who was a stunner. Didi was pleasant, like her.

I also got a chance to dance with the Kalbelia folk dancers on stage that day, it was fun, was doing spot the celebrity on the side. There were so many of them. :)

In between, I kept bumping into Gayatri and we must have hugged like 10 times by now. It was time to leave. Gayatri was moving to London after nine single years in NYC. I will miss it, she said. Thanks for coming dear, she said. Suddenly, she turned back and said, Sweetheart, you mean the world to me.

I gave her another parting hug. If there are inspirations in my life it is from two women friends of mine-Gayatri, and Shweta!

Gayatri, I love you!! :)